I, like many of you, journal.
We work out our issues, process through problems, write down dreams, ideas, and prayers.
It's a wonderful tool and I really drilled into journaling when I was going through some intensive therapy many years ago that was such a deep, necessary, growth-filled, and truly a defining time in my life.
I wrote down EVERYTHING! I held nothing back....I fully trusted the process. This resulted in a huge stack of books filled with the good, the bad, and the ugly of the journey of that Tina, in those moments.
I packed them into boxes and moved them many times from house to house, from storage unit to cabinet in each home or apartment we lived in over many years.
A few times I had opened one or two and reread passages of that time. My reactions to a woman I remembered but didn't recognize weren't positive....it was an icky feeling that this was once me. She was foggy, damaged, sad, hurting.
There was a poem she wrote called "Baby shoes of bronze", a pouring out of pain...in reading it again, I thought of how weary, how exhausted, how truly OVER I was that I had carried these writings in a box that was becoming heavier every time I moved them. What did I do in that moment? I put them back and kept them still.
I had been healed, I had let go of the past, but ...for some crazy reason I couldn't let go off the physical record of that time.
I had asked myself why I was stewarding the past in this way, but had no answers until one beautiful Fall Sunday, my husband and I got our coffee and sat down to watch an online church message. The pastor mentioned this story about where the phrase, "Burn the Ships" comes from.
In 1519, during a Spanish expedition in Mexico led by Hernán Cortés, the concept of “burning your ships” originated. Cortés, aware that his crew was fatigued from the lengthy sea voyage, decided to scuttle the ships they arrived in to compel them to succeed in the unfamiliar territory.
I was led to grab the stack of journals (at my husband's astonished look) that were stacked in a cedar chest, go out to the fire pit, and let them go.
I had the sudden realization that these did not fit in the definition of who I am.
I'm not a victim, I'm an overcomer.
Those writings were part of the story, part of the process and the rigorous journey that brought me to the shores of becoming a new creation in Christ.
In that simple, quiet act of obedience and defiance is a benchmark in my life that allowed me to step ahead and to fully forgive.
Not only did I not need the encyclopedia of the old Tina anymore, it was an obedient and beautiful act of unloading of a heavy, necessity for healing, burden.
How is it now and since that day? I still journal, but the focus is different and focused on heavenly hope.
My art has become the journal and it's for others, but mostly to Glorify God, the great Creator.
I get to express divine stories in layers of color and brushstrokes and put them out into the world.
I am not a perfect person, I'm a forgiven person.
The old is gone and the new has come and I pray that this truth is evidenced in my life and walk on this side of heaven.
Have you reached a new territory, but are mooring the ships that brought you there just in case it doesn't work out?
I found that caring for and stewarding those ships kept me on the shore for a time rather than exploring the lushness of the land I'd been brought to....so, I burned the ships.
Tina Lawver is an Ohio based Artist, Designer, and Instructor.
Creating encouraging and narrative works in mixed media for homes and public spaces, Tina enjoys sharing her heart and art at various events and shows.
Visit TinaLawver.com to see available, Original works
Prints of many works are available
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